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The following is a list of all entries from the Hmm... category.
And.
Like black ink that smudges,
it spreads vastly, quietly.
And as sound travels.. it’s swifter.
It pollutes.
I breathe them in, knowingly- unknowingly.
Prickles, chokes.
Finding myself on my knees.
Arrows of evil flames
dashingly amusing.
Each time I release an arrow,
it lands not on the aimed.
Pierces the One, and many.
Dear God,
when I find myself condemning and cursing someone, or even, calling someone stupid,
am I not condemning and cursing Your creation, and calling Your creation stupid?
Am I not condemning and cursing You, the Creator, and calling You stupid?
Let me see,
the way You see the good in others.
Let me love,
the way You love the most hated.
So much, for CHANGE.
Yeah, the who-ha(s) about the voting for the change of time of church service is “da” hottest topic of today.
Not to look down on anyone, or criticize, or be sarcastic on anyone, or making this a big big fat issue, but just some thoughts that we (including myself), could think about, how we can go from here, and lessons we ought to learn through this for the future.
Just a little flashback of events before this:
The church leaders gathered for a leader’s retreat. During that retreat, it was suggested by a young working adult that our church service time should be changed for a later time, 10.30 am. Then, it was announced to the congregation about this suggestion. Today, a vote was taken.
The main reason for this suggestion was because the young working adults found it hard to invite their non-Christian friends/colleagues to church.
“Working six days a week, having only Sundays as their rest day, being able to sleep in a little more, and yet, having to go to your church service which I don’t even know for what?”
Okay, maybe their friends didn’t say it that straight forward, but a simple “Huh, so early ah?” gives a hint.
Well, you might be thinking, why must we give way just for the young working adults? And then me leh? How? What about LYPG, CG, games? So rushing…
Relax, relax, rolex, rolex…
Put aside your worries a little while, take a deep breath and read on.
Why must we give way just for the young working adults?
1. To be relevant to the community.
If changing the time can touch lives and impact communities and lead people to the Light, then why not?
2. Cos it’s not just for the young working adults!
Hahaha. It’s also to cater to young families with kids (who sometimes are just so hard to wake them up), for those in the band, and for us, youth, to invite our friends to church. We don’t want “too early” or “I want to sleep” to be the reason for them not living in the Light.
3. Sustainability.
We, youth, come and go. But the ones that will stay put are the adults and young adults. The change of time is not just your our period of stay here, but it’s for a long run. Well, we wouldn’t want our church to be an aging society in God’s Kingdom, do we?
Back to the worries of our tight Sunday schedule..
There’s a reason why Jesus told His disciples, “O ye of little faith.”
If by faith we can move mountains,
by faith, we can make adjustments.
And yes, we have the right to vote,
we have the right to decide,
we have the right to make our stands,
we have the right to blame the leadership for poor planning,
we have the right to be disappointed by how some people reacted.
We can have all the rights we could ever think of in this world.
But how right, are our rights?
Jesus, had every right to condemn those who spat on Him, whipped Him, mocked Him, and nailed Him to the cross.
But yet, He chose not to have that right.
He chose not to have that right.
And He was right, not to have that right.
(I know you had to read that twice, right? 
)
To conclude,
what happened today was just a reminder for me (and maybe you) that I may have the right. But I need to ask the Right One if my rights are really right.
And, if I want to change the world, or change Kluang, I need to change the way I think, react, and… change church service time? Hahahaha.
That’s all folks!
Do feel free to correct my thoughts and words and add your thoughts! 
Today.
Wednesday September 30, 2009
Twin tragedies: Typhoon and tsunami wreak havoc
Typhoon Ketsana extended its deadly path across South-East Asia, killing 298 people and with the death toll expected to rise. Meanwhile, a powerful Pacific Ocean earthquake spawned towering tsunami waves that swept ashore on Samoa and American Samoa, flooding and flattening villages, killing at least 82 people and leaving dozens missing.
Dua andaian:
The first sentence is referring to myself.
The second sentence is referring to victims of natural disasters.
Today, I lied on my bed covered with a blanket, warm.
Today, I lied on a piece of cloth laid on the floor, shivering.
Today, I cried over my terrible trial results.
Today, I cried over the bodies of my loved ones.
Today, I wondered about my future education.
Today, I wondered about how I’m going to be a sole bread winner.
Today, I worried about my coming exams.
Today, I worried about my coming needs: my house, money, food.
Today, I asked for a ten ringgit note.
Today, I asked for a living child.
Today, I held my books in my hands as I walked to school.
Today, I held my deceased child in my hands as I walked to take refuge.
Today, yesterday and tomorrow,
He holds, held and will hold His children in His hands,
as we walk in the Light.
Two things:
When I hear of the troubles they face, my own troubles become minimized. Yet, we both struggle for survival in this world, in this life.
We both live in a world of difference. Yet, we have the same Father.
Two reasons to why this post:
My heart, goes out to them who suffered much lost.
My heart, goes out to my results who suffered much lost.
A cute baby was born.
All babies are cute. No one is not born cute.
E.g. Every baby you come across is cute.~Mummy.
Well, like it or not, I’m still alive, livin’ and kickin’ after nineteen years since 1990.
Hahha.
Yesterday on my way home from dinner with my parents, we got into a pretty interesting discussion about life. The things they said encouraged me, and I found myself affirmed.
It got me thinking…
Nineteen years of living, I think the greatest gift I’ve had in this nineteen years are my parents. Not only my parents, but their love.
Not only their love for me, but their love for God, each other and the people around them.
Because of their love for God and each other,
I was born out of purity, and not out of the wedlock.
I was held in their hands as a baby, and not sold to be in the hands of someone else.
I slept in a nice comfty place, and not left crying beside a rubbish dump, or somewhere in a dark alley.
I know both my biological parents, and not a third party.
I was raised by both my parents, and not single handedly.
I have both the love of my parents, and not abuse, or rape.
I have a loving family, and not a plate-throwing family, or a broken family.
My parents’ love, once again, is simply the greatest gift to me, when the world has much of its evil, immorality and ungodliness.
But, I don’t mind if they give me a digital single reflex camera.
Hahahaha.
On second thoughts…
Looks like we’re linking each other’s blog posts huh. Hahha. Funny.
But well, yeah.
Based on John Lim, Joel Yap and my posts on school and the persons involved, it got me thinking a few weeks back.
We all know (I expect) that teachers play a prominent role in the first fourth of our lives (based on average human lifespan).
Besides our parents, they come in second. We look to them with people of authority, we look to them with respect. They are our role models, our guide, our inspiration, our motivation.
We also know that like any other human, they have failed, will fail, and are failing us. We have high expectations of them, or at least, some expectations that is enough for us to feel disappointed with them at some point.
We acknowledge that. But at the same time, we know that playing their role well as an educator isn’t something too much to ask for. After all, they chose this job, and they are paid to do a good job.
My Dad, who is a secondary school teacher, once asked, “What do students want from their teachers?”
The answer for me, is simply… That.
And when they fail to fulfil their role as an educator, what do some of us do?
We get irritated, disappointed, frustrated, and sometimes, heart broken. We voice out, but our peers just don’t seem to bother. We wonder if sanity still exists in this generation.
We cry out, but not many hears us. We wonder if we are the minority who cares. Sometimes when we lay our head, we wonder why on earth we care so much. Why do we bother the fuss. Why take it so… seriously? And, does it really matter?
At least, I go through these series of thoughts and wonders.
Like Joel and John, I seek to speak out for what is right and just.
At the same time, I’m Muffled.
So much to say, but so little that makes sense.
Speaking out, creates awareness. And then? What next?
If there’s so much to say, but yet nothing done, have I failed?
If I have seen, felt, experienced, heard the injustice and wrongs… Why not I become a teacher?
If I know how a role of a teacher should be played… Why not I become a teacher?
If I want to impact and influence lives, and change the perspective of students towards education, the school and teachers… Why not I become a teacher?
If I say it’s about calling, then why do I care so much for what’s happening in school?
If I say it’s about calling, then are we questioning the call God gave all of us as salt and light of the world?
Do I dare to make a difference?
Do I dare to choose to be a teacher?
That at the end of the day, at least, I know I did something to save some lives of the future generation?
Honestly, I’m struggling within my thoughts.
Because part of me does not dare to choose to be a teacher.
Part of me is greatly discouraged to not be a teacher because of my teacher’s flaws.
Part of me is fear what kind of teacher I will turn out to be.
The future. Is uncertain.
And lives are at stake.
But right now, I know I need to do something more than just speaking out.
The search goes on.
And you, my comrade?
Who wants a rotten apple?
When someone comes across a rotten apple, a normal human being’s response would be something like these:
“Eiyeer!”
“Oh my goodness…”
“Sucks!”
“Throw it away!”
I mean, no one would say…
“Gimme gimme! I want!”
“Yummmyyyyy!”
…and start drooling, right?
Well, maybe some would say…
“Eee… so cool!”
But the point is that our normal reaction would be something negative.. whether we say it out loud or just stare in disgust, at any rotten food. And in this case, a rotten apple.
What good does a rotten apple bring?
What do you mean by ‘What good does a rotten apple bring?’
Obviously, it is ROTTEN!
Like helloooo, open your eyes… wipe your lenses (unless you’re wearing contacts – not the ones in your phone directory though)… can’t you seeeee, there is no good at all in this yucky icky ishy cacat-ed epal!
You can’t eat it, lick it, bake it, taste it or even contribute to the making of an apple pie!
Berambus kau, Epal!
Flee from me, and let me rest in peace.
(Dying for the sake of a rotten apple? Hmmm.)
Well, let me ask again, what good does a rotten apple bring?
Rotten apples bring life!
And joy to the pengurai!
Like in a food cycle, apabila pengguna tertier mati, ia diurai oleh pengurai dan menambahkan nutrien dalam tanih. Tanah menjadi lebih subur, menggalakkan pertumbuhan tumbuh-tumbuhan iaitu pengeluar dan kitaran makanan yang baru akan bermula.
Without a rotten food or creatures, you’ll probably be starving now because there wouldn’t be any food cycle.
And rotten apples, contribute to the food cycle in one way or another.
To relate with live here on earth, many a time we (even myself) chuck all the people we think are bad, evil, or even people whom we hate/have wronged us, as rotten apples.
How many times have we spoken negative of them or stared at them in disgust, just like how we reacted with a rotten apple?
Do we still believe in those around us?
That fella who murdered…
That fella who keeps stealing your erasers…
That fella who swears like after every 5 seconds…
That fella who keeps kicking your chair…
That fella who made you embarrassed…
That fella who cheated you of your money…
If we believe in a God of the impossible, do we still see the good in them?
But still, why should we?
Think of it… If within your school, the stuff done in there is considered bad, what would happen in future?
Say, when Bad Guy 1 does really bad stuff in school, when he leaves school, he does worst stuff… Say if he has a child born out of the wedlock, broken family, there’s a higher risk of his child being Bad Guy 1 Junior. The cycle of Bad Guy 1.
Or say, there’s Bad Guy 2, 3 & 4, who does really bad stuff in school. Compare to the days of your parents, there’s like only negative (-) Bad Guy 2. I mean, as the years go by, the more Bad Guys start appearing.
Anyhow, it’s “obviously sure” that the future is gonna be bad (based on observation). When you start to have kids, crime rates are increasing, and the age group of crimes committed are getting younger.. you don’t even know if it’s safe for your kids to go to school or play in the playground (in case they might be kidnapped)…
I don’t know about you, but I’m still learning how to see yummy juicy rotten apples… Not only because I choose to believe in the God of The Impossible, but also because if I don’t start seeing yummy juicy rotten apples now, in future, what do I have to live for? There is no more hope.
Believe, pray, hope.
Aku tak sukeeeee!
Not feeling very well, after two weeks.
First week had tests, where I had to burn midnight oil. Sleeping for 3 hours in the afternoon and 3 hours at night.
Not so good, I know. But I promised myself this will be the last round of last minutes.
Second week, preparation for our Pre-U Annual Dinner a.k.a. Prom Night. It’s not easy working with a headless head. Or a tailess tail.
Stayed back in school for everyday for class presentation practice. Till like 3 or 4 pm. And 5 pm once.
Slept at 9 or 10 pm every night.
Now, I’ve got a pile of homework, but I still can say that it’s not as much as those in Maths class or in Science stream. Haha.
Only thing that makes it uneasy is me not feeling well. Slight fever, headache and sore throat.
Thank goodness for apple cider! 
Thoughts for the week…
I am/will be a girl/women/lassie/lady.
So I really really really hope that one day, I’ll…
1. …like putting lip gloss
Which it’s sticky and keeps making me want to lick my lips.
2. …am able to bear the pain while wearing those shoes/heels
Halfway through the dinner I took my shoes out and started walking bear footed.
3. …enjoy putting make-up
Which I think it’s a waste of time putting make-up and money paying for cosmetics that will go off once you sweat.
That’s all the hopes for now.
When it comes to dressing…
Guys are simple.
Girls are “complicated” and sometimes torture themselves, whether by cracking their heads on what to wear or time management while dressing up…
*sighs*
Something I am learning how to appreciate.
Sometimes I wonder why guys can’t put make-up too. Then fair right?
Hahaha.
Whose side are you leaning on?
And so it was written on the white board during CBC, when Uncle Jordan spoke.
“We can either be on God’s side or the devil’s side. Now, we must choose only one side…”
“…Why do we need to make a choice? Why can’t we sometimes be on God’s side, and sometimes on the devil’s side?
You know, we always have a lot of thoughts in our mind. For example, when your mother calls you, in your mind, you are struggling to decide. Should I go and obey her or should I not? So, we need to make a decision so that next time you won’t struggle when deciding.
Once you have set your mind, all the decisions you make will be according whose side you are on. If you are on God’s side, you will choose to go and obey your mother. If you are on the devil’s side, you will choose not to even bother about it.
So who can help us make that decision on whose side we want to be on?”
The children answered, “God!”
“God can’t help us to make the decision. It is you. You need to make that decision yourself. Uncle can’t help you, your parents can’t help you. You need to make your own decision.“
The simplicity, yet, not.
We ended with the power point and a song:
“No one can serve two masters.”
Matthew 6:24
Whose side are you leaning on?
Leaning on the Lord’s side.
Whose side are you leaning on?
Leaning on the Lord’s side.
I lean, I lean, I lean, I lean
Leaning on the Lord’s side.
I lean, I lean, I lean, I lean
Leaning on the Lord’s side.
Leaning, leaning,
Leaning on the Everlasting One
Leaning, leaning,
Leaning on the Everlasting One
Clock.
What’s do you picture in your mind when you come across the word ‘clock’?
A clock?
Yeah.
Is it analog or digital?
Do you picture all its numbers?
Is there a short hand and long hand or both?
What is the colour of the clock?
Tell me, tell me!
It’s interesting to know how different people picture different things!
Take it easy.
Who said Form 6 is hard?
All you do is play mahjong cards, UNO cards, BINGO and maybe scrabble in school!
Ever since school started (it has been three weeks), I’ve been “unproductive” in school. So are the teachers. I guess it must be some mutual understanding going around.
I tell you, Form 6: Take it easy.
Play hard.
HAHA!
