bumpy road

Part of me feels like giving up.

Part of me feels like being the agent of change and hope.

Ups and downs.

Weeks had been like driving a hundred times on the main road passing through Taman Delima and Taman Intan.

Trying to keep focus, not only on what I have to do, but also, on what I am set to do. Or, let’s just say it’s what I believe I am to do.

Okay. I know you’re trying to figure out what I’m writing about. It’s simply a mixture of different factors.

Like Form 6 Student Council.

It seems as not much of a responsibility from the outside, I mean, after all it’s SMKTHO anyway. And teacher spoon feeds the organization. Why bother right?

Behind it all. I have to keep alert. I have to play smart. I have to do everything which I practically hate doing. Including dealing with people and talking to large crowds? Hahha.

But anyway. I shall not complain any much. I will not. Hopefully. Because.

Because this is the path I’ve chosen.

And like. You know (I know you don’t know, that’s why I’m telling you), how we use to hear the elderly speak of ex-YFers falling away from the Lord, doing this and that. To me, it was repeated so often and it didn’t really hit me. It was just an example of another backsliden Christian.

I just read some of my friend’s blogs and Friendster (they when for further study). And what I read or see. I really cannot believe. I mean. It’s unimaginable. Then lah. Now.. Can imagine. Yeah.

A totally free life. No restriction. Loads of money to spend on. My my my.

And yes. Please. Have a firm stand on things you will do and will not do.

I don’t know how to say this. But making right stands now will help.

Even I’m struggling with it. The world is so wide.

Another thing is.

You know how we write a hundreds of essays with:

– Mengisi masa lapang

– Pengaruh rakan sebaya

– Mengelakkan daripada kegiatan negatif

– Contoh: Melepak, merokok, berbual-bual kosong, vandalisme.

All these things just seem to be happening right in front of my own eyes.

I don’t know if it’s a good thing or not, since being in a Convent school seems so protective. So katak di bawah tempurung?

Um. All I can say for now is: All that my Dad use to bercerita about happenings in his school. Suddenly jumps out alive. And when I hear and see it with my own eyes. I feel alive.

There goes that topic of students and teachers.

And how they both blame each other. And how we have to write in our essays that it’s our fault. Not the teachers. ‘Cos anyway, who marks your papers? Teachers! You might cause their heart to bleed when they mark it until their blood flows through your exam paper and they can no longer mark your paper because blood is everywhere. Oh wait. But isn’t that better? The more blood flows through your paper, it means blood on other candidate’s paper. Um. I was just wondering. Wouldn’t then everyone be getting Flying A’s?

Further elaboration = not today. Haha.

Thank you. For such weeks.

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